Starting today...

1. Smile.
Don't wait for people to smile. Show them how. A genuine smile makes you and everyone around you feel better and it sends a message to your brain that you're happy.

2. Treat everyone with respect and kindness.
Yes, everyone, even those who are rude to you - and not because they are nice, but because you are.

3. Perform one selfless act.
You get what you put in. When you make a positive impact on someone's life, you make a positive impact on your own life. Do something that is greater than you and something that helps someone else be happy.  It will be an extremely rewarding experience and something you will likely remember forever.

4. Avoid needless drama and those who create it.
Choose to spend time with people who you are proud to know, people you admire, and who love and respect you. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

5.  Think of the positives.
Start thinking of what could go right, instead of being afraid of what could go wrong.  Think of everything that already is right and use this positively to fuel an even brighter tomorrow.

6. Take decisive and immediate action on something that needs to be done.
You can't change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without taking action. It's as simple as that.

7. Follow your intuition when making decisions.
Do what feels right, even if it doesn't look or sound right to others. Our human instincts are rarely ever wrong.  Don't worry about what everyone else thinks.  Keep living and speaking your truth. 

8. Spend time working on something you believe in.
Never put off or give up on a goal that is important to you.  Follow your heart today.

9. Meet someone new.
You will be surprised at the lessons people will teach you and the new opportunities they will inject in your life.

10.  Exercise and eat healthy.
Those who exercise and eat healthy have a higher sense of self-accomplishment and self-worth.

11. Be a student of life.
Experience it, learn from it and absorb all the knowledge you can!

Reference: Chernoff, Marc & Angel. (2103) 1,000+ Little Things Happy Successful People Do Differently. http://www.marcandangel.com.

A few tips from preschool teachers on how to effectively discipline your child.

1. Redirect. If your preschooler is jumping on the couch or grabbing a toy away from his sister, distract him by asking if he'd like to read a book together or draw a picture.

2. Prevent meltdowns at goodbyes. If your child is nervous about spending time apart, give her something to remind her of you. Give her a tissue that you kissed or a picture of you and put it in her pocket. Having something physical to touch may help her feel less anxious and help prevent a meltdown while you are gone.

3. Involve him in righting his wrongs. If he knocks over his brother's block tower, ask him to help rebuild it.

4. Don't delay discipline. If you have to discipline your child, do it when you see her misbehaving. Cancelling a trip to the zoo on Saturday because of a tantrum on Thursday won't prevent future outbursts. It will just feel like random, undeserved punishment for your preschooler.

Source: Lamb, Marguerite. "20 Tips for Parents from Preschool Teachers." Parents.

Go outside into the sunlight.  Light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood. Not getting enough light is one reason people feel tired.

Go for a brisk walk. Studies show even a 10-minute walk can increase energy and decrease tension.

Act with energy. Trick yourself into feeling energetic by moving quicker, moving while you are on the phone and put more energy into your voice.

Listen to a favorite upbeat song. Stimulating gives you an instant lift and is one of the quickest ways to affect your mood and energy level.

Create a "happy" wardrobe. There is a strong link between wardrobe and mood. Based on a study conducted by psychologist Karen Pine, PhD, wearing clothes we associate with positively can help when we're feeling down. In the study, women felt good in figure enhancing clothes and bright colors. This study simply shows that we instinctively know what makes us feel good, so we need to focus on creating a "happy" wardrobe. 

Surround yourself with upbeat, positive people.  According to physician Susan Biali, MD, the author of Live a Life You Love, often our insecurities and inner negative thoughts come from voices of pessimistic people from our past. Keep cheerful company. "Optimism is a learned skill," says Dr. Biali.

Take time to daydream and reflect. Boost brainpower by disengaging during relaxation. It has been shown that reflection and daydreaming can make you more attentive when doing tasks.

References

• Rubin, Gretchen "Find Your Happy Place." Good Housekeeping. June 2012 Published: 107-108. Print.
• Prevention.com. November 2012. December 2012. Winter 2012.

Here are a few ideas from preschool experts on how to promote independence in your child.

1. Expect more. In the preschool classroom, teachers expect children to hang up their coats and sit quietly during story time. Expect the same at home. Raise the bar and your child will probably stretch to meet it.

2. Stop yourself from doing what your child can do himself. Yes, it may be quicker and easier to do it yourself but it won't help to make your child independent.

2. Don't redo what your child has done. Don't smooth the sheets after your child made his bed. He will notice your actions and it may discourage him from making his bed again.

3. Let her solve simple problems. Pause before helping your child put together a toy. Character-building moments come from these simple problem solving tasks.

4. Assign a chore. Confidence comes from being in charge of a regular, simple task like watering a plant or taking the clothes out of the dryer. Make sure the chore is "real work" - not busy work - because you want your child to feel like a capable, contributing member of the family.

Source: Lamb, Marguerite. "20 Tips for Parents from Preschool Teachers." Parents.

So you’ve got yourself a little toddler there – good times. Dana Carvey once quipped “They’re not so bad, just keep M&M’s in your pocket and feed ‘em here and there.” If only it were so easy. What makes them so terrible sometimes? That answer is not as mysterious as it sometimes seems (e.g., in the eye of a tantrum at Target checkout). Think about it – right now while you’re calm and not tantrumming back at them. What are they grappling with that we have learned and hence take for granted? Two things: they don’t know how to communicate yet and they don’t know how to manage the overwhelming emotions they’re experiencing for the first time. Wouldn’t that make you want to freak out?

Well, the next time your toddler does, take solace in the fact that you have choices on how to react. What’s more, if you make the “right” choices, they’re gonna’ freak out less and less. I’m going to elaborate but first, allow me to establish some irrefutable truths of human nature – truths that will light your way in your quest to curb your toddler’s unruly behavior and hence bring you more peace and quiet.

1. Human beings wish to be treated with respect. It’s innate and it’s evident as early as one year. If you want your child to heed your guidance, you will want to treat him with respect.
2. Children don’t naturally want to “misbehave.” Sure they’re wired to test a bit, but if they do it repeatedly it’s because they have been conditioned to or have not been taught how else to behave.
3. The word “discipline” has a latin meaning of “instruction, knowledge.” “Disciple” means “learner.” (please note the absence of the terms “training” or “punishment.”)
4. Young children learn best by modeling behavior.
5. “Anger is the enemy of instruction.” OK, it’s a quote from eleven-time NBA championship coach Phil Jackson, but I’m putting it here in the irrefutable truths section. Think about it. Frustration and anger just distract humans from attaining messages.

Now, watch how these do’s and don’ts flow seamlessly from these truths. The next time your toddler is faced with a challenge – be it physical, social, emotional, cognitive or all of the above – and proceeds to lose her marbles, keep these do’s and don’ts in mind:

• Do Accept – You want to meet the situation with an understanding that your child has not learned how to communicate or react yet and is behaving perfectly natural (albeit annoying). If you meet your child with a sense of understanding and acceptance, it will color your reaction and make your child more willing to adhere to your advice and support.
• Don’t Get Defeated – Your confidence is key and should be bolstered by the fact that you know these situations are inevitable. Helping your child in these moments is very much part of your role now (albeit annoying). You’ll be much more effective if you can manage to accept this as well as your child’s behavior.
• Do Empathize – This ties into the acceptance piece and the #1 truth above. If you can somehow convey to your child that you genuinely feel for him in these (albeit annoying) moments, it will go a long way towards gaining his cooperation.
• Don’t Exude Frustration – You’re a leader and a teacher. If you get all flustered, you won’t be able to communicate effectively and your child will not only be distracted from your messages – you will ironically be reinforcing the very behavior you wish to curb. (This flows from the truth I didn’t list: It’s fun to watch mom or dad sweat.)
• Do Interpret – Try to decipher what your child is telling you through her behavior. What’s the message here and how did your own behavior or tone influence the scenario? (that part’s not easy)
• Don’t Ignore – There’s a time and place when the best thing to do is simply to ignore a child’s behavior. But it will be both disrespectful and ineffective if you skip all the other steps.
• Do Teach – Once you’ve interpreted, it’s time to impart. You can do this through both your calm words and your actions. What understanding or language is she missing that will help now and next time?
• Don’t Train – Best to stay away from bribes unless you think Dana Carvey was onto something (hint: he’s a comedian). As these little guys get older, you can start to explain the benefits associated with making the right choices. Calmly remind them what’s in it for them – much more effective long term than bribes and threats.
• Do Redirect – For these young ones, especially when they’re all fired-up, you don’t want to get caught lecturing – keep it brief and then move the attention to the next activity. Sell it a bit. If you can somehow tie that activity towards what she wanted in the first place, but in a more acceptable manner, all the better. You’ll be showing your child that you respect her (that makes humans more willing to listen).
• Don’t Punish – If you in fact accept all five truths above – especially #2 (I like making you read them again)– then it follows that punishing young children is futile. Just ask yourself: Do I want to teach my child that when he gets frustrated and tests limits he will be punished, or teach him that there are alternatives to his behavior, he can make better choices, it will benefit him in the end, and I am here to help him learn all that?
• Do Disengage from Conflict – There will no doubt be times when you have done all you can and your child is still not having any of it. We’ve all had moments where everyone lost their cool. We all know what good that did us. Disengage and their tantrums will lose power and eventually cease.
• Don’t Engage in Conflict – Getting worked up? They already know our buttons. Just respectfully and calmly tell your child YOU need to calm down and walk away from the battle. Stick to whatever lesson you were teaching and tell him you’re ready to help him more when you both calm down; balance empathy with calm, confident consistency.

The hardest part in all of this is keeping your own emotions under control when your child is pushing your buttons (see – didn’t you like me better when I understood you?). But if you can manage to do more of these “do’s” and less of these “don’ts,” you’ll find your child will internalize the lessons sooner. That’ll give you more time to read parenting articles – joy!

See more of Tom's articles at ParentCoachTom.com

Smile: It is proven to soothe you. So put on a happy face, even if you are just going through the motions. :-)

Donate: Giving money to a good cause can make you feel better than buying something for yourself. It doesn't have to be a lot. Donating $5 will do wonders.

Eat All-Carb Whole Grains: Feeling grumpy? An all-carb whole grain snack should make you feel happier within a half hour. Carbs raise blood sugar which boosts serotonin, a neurotransmitter associated with calm, positive feelings. 30 g of carbs with can be 4 cups of air-popped popcorn or half of a whole wheat English muffin.

Garden: Studies show 30 minutes of gardening reduces stress levels more effectively than reading quietly.

Exhale: Deep breathing is important but try to focus on the exhale. When you elongate your exhale, it slows down your heart rate. So take three long exhalations, making them twice as long as your inhalation.

Raise Your Heart Rate: 2 minutes of exercise will change your mood, as long as you raise your heart rate. Try squats or jumping jacks!

Think Sensually: Next time you are stressed, doing something that feels good physically like taking a warm shower or listening to your favorite music.

Coffee with whole milk: Caffeine may promote a can-do attitude. Adding whole milk instead of fat free milk will make you feel more satiated and calmer.

Have some chocolate: The taste of sweetness causes a surge of good endorphins. Dark chocolate contains flavonoids which improve mental acuity and attitude. Small amounts of dark chocolate can also lower stress hormone levels.

Prevention.com. December 2012.

Sibling relationships make a significant impact on who our children become as adults. Make time to help foster sibling relationships and your relationship with each child individually.

• Encourage your children to work as a team. Maybe make a pizza together or recycle bottles and decide how the money is spent.

• Stop yourself if you try to micromanage their interactions. Let them build their own relationships away from you.
• If they start to fight, don't become the referee. Come up with ways they can work out their own arguments. One mother has them stand at their bedroom doorway and talk it out until they figure out a solution.
• Spend 1-on-1 time with each child. This says to the child that "We are a team, but you are unique and special."
• Take time to observe each of your children to truly understand their temperament and approach to the world. What really makes each of your children happy?
• Strive to meet a child's individual need when it arises. When one child is sick, make chicken soup for him and give him a back massage. This does not mean it's unfair that his sister doesn't get the same treatment.
  
• Never expect an older brother or sister to babysit without asking. It is our job to care for your children.

Reference: Doe, Mimi. Busy But Balanced. New York: St. Martin's Griffin, 2003.

• On your way home from work or when you are running errands, pick up some flowers and spread them around the house.
• Have a picnic dinner - even if it's on a blanket in the family room!
• Open the windows and enjoy the fresh air.
• Grab your favorite mail order magazine and have each child pick out a new bathing suit or fun towel.
• Have breakfast for dinner tonight with scrambled eggs. Eggs are the universal sign of rebirth.
• Create a collage of your family's dream garden. Have your child cut out pictures from magazines and catalogs.
• Light candles, turn up your favorite music and dance...as the sun goes down!
• After dinner, go to your neighborhood playground and enjoy the swings in the fresh air...even if it is cold outside!
• How do you celebrate the arrival of spring with your child?
  

Reference: Doe, Mimi. Busy But Balanced. New York: St. Martin's Griffin, 2003.